Your point, “whether the behavior is truly bad or simply perceived as bad” is a very astute one. You are in good company:

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Act 2, Scene 2 of Shakespeare’s Hamlet

I commend you on your practice of “reminding myself” - and it is a practice of reminding self again and again. Also, on the days you do, “not so well”, please remember to hold yourself with love. I believe it is this holding self with love, instead of our more usual barrage of negative self-talk, that will empower us to “do pretty well” more often.

I loved the choice between intent to learn and intent to protect. I’m going to remember that one!

I agree, that love and fear are opposites. It is my belief that all ‘bad’ behaviour is borne out of fear. A more recent development to this belief: This is true, whether the behavior is truly ‘bad’ or simply perceived as ‘bad’. There is fear going on, on one side (the doing side) or the other (the perceiving side), or possibly both. My challenge is to remind myself of this when ‘bad’ behaviour rears its ugly head (on whichever side of an encounter). Some days I do pretty well. Others, not so well. But when I can make that shift, it’s much easier to understand and forgive.