I was reading Joan Casey’s material on Boundaries: Solutions for life. Specifically the parenting effects of the Intrusive boundary mistake in Chapter 2 The Six Big Mistakes. I realized with a heart sickening thud that I do, “go beyond Kathryn’s messages that say “no”: making her hug me (or more specifically forcing a hug on her) when she doesn’t want to.” Up until this bit I was thinking to myself. “Oh this one isn’t me, I can think of others I have worked with who are the poster child for the Intrusive boundary mistake, but it is not me.” Well it is me! I do recognize it specifically around pushing hugs on a 2.5 year old. Yes I am aware that the mantra of 2.5 year olds is “no” and that they cycle between wants and no wants as in, “me no want”, every 30 seconds and sometimes faster when they are tired and/or hungry. This fact however does not relieve me of my accountability for my own feelings or recognition of my needs for affection and attention.

2.5 years old or not Kathryn is a human being deserving of no more or less respect than any other human being. I do not get to play with her burgeoning sense of self-worth by invalidating her “no” with reference to her personal space simply because she is pint size and I grew her in my body every second of every day for 39 weeks and I birthed that head. I have committed to stop forcing hugs on Kathryn and respect her “no” re personal boundaries. Also, we are now having 2.5 year old appropriate “respect” conversations. Her daddy really does not like having his shirts tugged on.

Finally, the rich irony is not lost on me that some of my friends and co-workers, (if they read this), will get a chuckle and may say Intrusive is exactly their experience of me. I am also committing to noticing where I use the Intrusive boundary mistake in my other relationships.